As a shorty, you have that list of favorite days .....

1- Birthday

2- Christmas

3- The First Day Of School

4- The Last Day Of School


5- Halloween A.K.A Costume/Candy DAY!



Me and my crew would mob up we'd be 7-8-9-10 deep, hitting these streets on the candy chase. (The numbers also depended on if there was a big chance of getting egged by the neighborhood thugs that year).


Over the years there would be a few houses we stopped at that would have BS candy or treats bro and I never forgot....


So to all parents, grown folks, and yes old people here's a quick guide on WHAT NOT TO GIVE KIDS FOR HALLOWEEN: (They will grow up to be radio personalities and write articles about you)


1) Pencils- My mom already bought me a ton of these in preparation for the first day of school (see number 3) it's not smart plus it's down right cheap on your behalf. This is a special day....... you gotta shell out!

2) Pennies.

True Story, there were a few houses I visited and the old people gave us pennies.

Ok I can say it 20 years later...WTF I'MMONE DO WITH SOME DAMN PENNIES?!?!?

 3) Candy already in your bowl in the living room

Stop..... your are cheating!

Statistics show, 97% of all old people, no matter what race demographic, or region of the country they live in, already have these in numerous bowls in their living rooms. Having said that, you people who plan on giving these away these should be fined.

Butterscotch- while one of my favorites this AIN'T A HALLOWEEN CANDY!  

Though peppermints come in clutch when bad breath strikes and you need to talk to someone real quick after you had onions BUT IT AIN'T A HALLOWEEN CANDY!


And really, what was the difference between green and red?

The fact that they are green still ...DOESN'T MAKE IT A HALLOWEEN CANDY!


4) Coconut anything

I'm convinced you are mad at life and are an unhappy soul if you choose to give children anything with coconuts. Coconut taste like sweet wax. I received tons of these as a shorty and gave them all (yep you guessed it) my weird friends.

5) Ramen f&*($@)ing noodles!!!!

Just because you can buy a 12 pack of these boys (any flavor) for a $1.00 don't mean this economically makes sense for you to give away to our future. Now, back in the 90s when I ate these I thought it far exceeded the ecstasy I would experience eating any kind of candy, but now, in retrospect, it was a inhumane act and the people who gave these away to children should all be found and arrested.

Yes someone gave me Ramen Noodles one year for Halloween. (Beef Flavor)


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